John Post Sucks So Much....

John Post sucks so much he was hired by BP to clean up the ocean. 

 John Post sucks so much they use him for the scientific study of black holes. 

HC Booth credits John Post as his inspiration for his revolutionary invention: the vacuum. 

John Post sucks so much I peed in a cup and sold it to him as lemonade. 

John Post sucks so much you should feel much better about yourself. 

John Post sucks so much he picks up girls on internet Risk. 

John Post sucks so much every cloud is a rain cloud. 

John Post sucks so much he put Tootsie Pops out of business. 

John Post sucks so much he defied Isaac Newton by being gravity. 

John Post sucks so much he got arrested for selling "lemonade" to people. 

John Post sucks so much we forgot about Katrina. 

John Post sucks so much he convinced Stephen King to kill John Lennon. 

John Post sucks so much he convinced Michael Jordan to try out baseball for a change. 

John Post sucks so much that everybody loves him. 

John Post sucks so much he sucks more than John Post.

Oozing with it

John has hot *panda bears* he secretly loves and wishes to romance.

He also dances like a drunken sorority girl.

The end.

Further Proof

That John loves me more than words could ever describe. Here

John made a blog about himself: Priceless!

John made the cutest little blog about himself. It's filled with self-inflating lies about his chess prowess, and how he will cook you dinner, which he definitely won't do. No, he'll bring out carrots and hummus and eat in front of you until you ask if you can have one, and then he'll look at you like you asked if you could shove the carrot up his ass.

It also appears that John is staking the claim that he invented the United States of America, or at the very least, Google Maps. I don't think he invented or charted either of these things.

Oh well, you can see John's Blog HERE

Can you beat John Post at chess?

Is this even a question worth asking? Last time I played chess with him, he pleaded with me, "just kill me now." I'm no chess expert either. I can beat Microsoft chess on level 2, maybe level 3, but I could also beat John Post at chess no problem. I'd stake the claim that a newborn child could beat John Post at chess, granted you'd have to help the child move the pieces since their motor skills are terribly underdeveloped.

Which leads me to wonder. Should John Post be doing ordinary everyday things which seem innocuous enough, but possess real dangers when taken into the hands of an adult whose learning and mobile capabilities are less than the average bear (or newborn child). Take driving a car for instance: seems safe enough. But John gets distracted very easily and he might take a look at himself in the rear view mirror and become confused as to how there is a double of him, causing a terrible traffic wreck killing hordes of innocent people, puppies, and roses along the way. Worst of all, he'd walk away from the crash unscathed looking for his double like a moron, probably getting in another car causing a tautology of pain and suffering.

Or, take eating in a restaurant. Now this truly seems like something he should be capable of. In fact, newborn children eat at restaurants and I'm sure a bear could if we stopped the damn bear segregation movement (this is the 21st Century people.) But John, man, if you get him in a restaurant, who knows what would go wrong! Whatever could go wrong, I'm sure it would end with the kitchen on fire, John telling some stupid joke about chicken soup, the waiter unconscious with his head up your date's skirt, and the Chef screaming, "Holy God! Sweet God! It burns all the way down!"

Anyway, let's just say, I beat John at chess.

John's Winter Poem

It's snowing! It's snowing!
John Post is crying!
He weeps just like a little child
who truly needs some chiding.