The Time is Now

Well, John has been complaining to me that I have failed to keep up on the saga of his life, and I keep telling him "I'll get around to it," when in fact I was postponing for a reason. See, I was waiting for John to leave. And finally, John has left.

Now, he has not vanished from the Earth or anything, but he did go to the beach with some friends for a week long soiree of drinking, smacking each other asses, combining it all with homophobic jokes to bolster their heterosexual ambitions.

Now that John is gone, let's all have a party in his bedroom. After we have our party, we'll move all of his furniture into the basement and leave child's sized furniture there instead. This way, when John comes home we can call him John the Giant and after much insistence, and the trickery of children sized furniture, John may actually begin to believe he became a giant while at the beach. My hope is that he will try to climb a skyscraper in a fit of rage, and we can some good footage of him trembling while looking down from ten feet or so....

Frenetic, Fantastic, & Idiotic

27-O-Daddio John is trying to tell me how to run my blog... I'm going to run his eight wives.

John Post XXVII

John just informed me of his intention to have twenty seven kids. Yes. 27 kids. That's a lot of children for anyone, but believe me, if anyone can do it, it's John Post. So, get in line ladies, he's waiting....

Clarification

To clarify, John's John is his unspoken truth. It's what we all love about John, right?

John's John

John has been a little down in the dumps lately. He's worried about things, and he doesn't think this website accurately portrays him, but I only take sentiments from our conversations and put them here. Anyway, I am proposing that the entire world yell "We Love You John!" at 9 pm this Saturday night. I am sure this will happen because I know the entire world reads this blog. So, what'd'ya say? Let's tell John we love him.

God, are you listening?

John likes to look up stupid rumors at work, God, I just thought I'd let you know, since I'm sure you read this blog, and every other blog in the world.

Rapture Denied.

John was at work the other day, just sitting at his desk minding his business when something extraordinary happened. A voice from high, but low in pitch, came ringing down at John, "John, if you don't quit making trivial jokes about me, I will do more than smite you, I will personally kick your rump into a tree stump." Now, John looked around, but none of his coworkers seemed to notice this voice. John whispered, "I'm sorry, who is this?" The voice said, "You damn well know who I am." John looked around again, people were working, sleeping, picking their noses, but no one seemed to hear or mind the rich, sonorous voice coming from high.

Now, as one can imagine, John was becoming a little frightened. He thought to himself, "I'll take an early lunch, maybe I need fresh air." Looking around sheepishly, John picked himself slowly out of the chair. He brushed his hands off on his pants and let out a little sigh, "this is it. I just need a break." Suddenly! From above an enormous porcelain white hand came down, thrusting John back into his chair; the voice boomed, "John!" The hand curled into a fist before John, and John cowered back into his chair covering his eyes. When he gained the courage to peek, the hand was before him, extending one enormous middle finger in his direction. The hand then relaxed, patted John softly on the head, and went back heavenward, as the voice spoke softly, "You didn't need a rest, John, you needed to stop pissing me off. Now, get back to work."

John got back to work, never again to blaspheme any entity or being... for now....